WINE...
The delicious nectar that is wine. It has now become a running joke in the world of mommyhood. It is normal to say and hear things like "mommys sippy cup", "it's Wine o Clock", "Mommy's turn to Wine" and anything that you can change up WHINE for WINE. Look at all this crap. Yep. CRAP. The problem isn't the drink itself. It is the normalization that we as mothers need wine to be a mother. That it is how we deal with the day to day stresses of such an important job.
The marketing is genius really and it is everywhere! But here is the thing, they aren’t funny, they’re dangerous.
If you have a minute to spare I would like to tell you my story.
I was THAT mom, the one who had the running wine jokes down like white on rice. I loved my wine. I counted the minutes in the day until it was acceptable to open the bottle. I thought I was some sort of wine expert or "wanna be sommelier". I failed to see the danger because society had made it so normal. And to be honest, it was normal in my family too. I grew up with wine being a common thing around dinner time. My grandparents had a vineyard and wine was just something that was always around and served. It is what it was, it was normal it was the culture. It is all over the media, in our favorite shows and in memes on the internet, all making us think it’s OK to deal with life’s stresses with a few drinks. Maybe the whole bottle. In my case, the whole BOX.. yep BOX. I would go through a box of wine in two days. But it was OK. I was fun mommy (that should have been a big clue right?) I was still waking up in the morning, I was able to parent pretty well and I just needed something to help me get through the rest of the day when my brain and my patience were at their limit. My friends all drank wine too. No one questions a mom having a glass of wine after a long day. Again, it just WAS.
This is me, and a typical photo that I would post on social media.
No one really knew how bad it was. It started with a few instances of me dropping glasses, or spilling my wine. Those were not clues enough apparently. I have a pillow permanently stained a lovely shade of pale purple because of how much Merlot was spilled in that particular spot. My kids knew how to fill moms glass up and could even tell me the difference between the different wines. I didn't think it was a problem Until it was! It was the night my husband came home from his night shift at work. I had company so I wasn't really drinking alone. (excuses right) I was sound asleep in my bed, The guest on the couch and my 8 year old on another couch. My husband woke me and asked where the baby was. I froze, I slurred, I was dizzy and I didn't know. Panic began to set in. My stomach was in knots and my husband was running around the house yelling at the top of his lungs for the baby. I was trying to replay everything in my mind but it was all black... nothing. I didn't know if he was outside, or inside or even if he was alive. I however, got lucky. God was with me and my then 11 year old. He had taken the baby to sleep in his room with him. He took the responsibility that no 11 year old should have. This was my moment. It was the moment I knew that things were out of control. How did I miss what was happening, why couldn't I see the problem? I will have to live with that moment for the rest of my life. I will have to fight the battle with my children as one can only imagine the damage I had unintentionally cast upon them.
I am so lucky that I have a big God, I am forgiven and was able to spot the problem before it got worse. Wine is not something that is welcome in our house, it is not something we joke about. I choose to deal the with the stresses of motherhood through prayer and yep, a little bit of coffee. I get up in the morning and I go to WAR on the demons that allowed me to believe this was all OK.
I am not alone, I know that this is a much bigger problem then just within the bean household. Did you know that According to national surveys conducted by the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about one in two women of child-bearing age (i.e. ages 18-44) drink alcohol, and 18 percent of women who drink alcohol in the this age group binge drink. Binge drinking is defined by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism as “a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL” (typically 4 drinks for women). Drinking excessively is bad for your health and puts you at a higher risk for cancer, heart disease, liver disease, and brain shrinkage. Sure, there are some touted health benefits to drinking moderately, but the science is very muddy.
(via scarrymommy.com)
Enough is Enough. Stop making jokes about wine and motherhood. It’s time to do better for ourselves, for other women, and for our kids. Let's raise up a generation that won't need a drink to deal with the stresses of motherhood. If you are reading this and you need help or think you have a problem please contact someone who can help.
Find a Church that offers a CR program - HERE
Find and AA program - HERE Talk to someone, anyone. You just have to start the conversation. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. - Titus 2:3
You didn't think I would do a whole blog and not talk about coffee would you? See. When I was in the process of going cold turkey sober I needed something at night to be my thing. So I prayed yes, but I also started making the BEST espresso, latte and other coffee concoctions to enjoy with dinner or while watching late night T.V. and this is just another reason I have a passion for the bean. It is not a substitution but something that helped me get through one of the toughest moments in my life.