When the call came that day from the Lord, the day my husband and I together decided that we we're to pack and head south. It was a day full of excitement and soon to be adventure. We we're ready. And yes it was a sad goodbye but one with so many amazing what ifs ahead of us. It wasn't that scary either. We both felt so called to Alabama that it really did make the move easier.
We chose to be obedient and free and trust that the Lord had plans for us. We are definitely nobody special. But we also know the Lord uses the least of these to do the most good.
So here we are 6 months in to our new life and the holidays have creeped up fast,we still aren't sure about the why but we get glimpses of it each week. It's not only Holiday season for my family, but birthday season too. Tom, Delilah and Sam all have back to back birthdays within 10 days of eachother. This is usually a busy time for us. I come from a split family, and my siblings have married split families so arranging the holidays was never easy, in fact sometimes it felt like a game of Tetris with a piece stuck in one direction that wouldn't turn. It was chaotic, tearful and at the end mostly enjoyable.
This year, we are the opposite, we aren't even in the game. There really is no chaos but there really is no anything. It's now that I have seen some sad days, days I wish I could just box up my parents up and ship them to Alabama. We are blindly trying to figure out what now? What do we do for Thanksgiving, what about Christmas? It's oddly sad and relieving at the same time. Sad that we (I) feel alone, relieved that we don't have to deal with the mess. It's new territory and it's building new traditions. We are so used to having our village and we don't have that now. I think though, that if I focus on on the great new things, and perhaps even advantages that things will be OK.
So, what are the possible advantages?
Relying on each other more.
It is just Tom and I now, no "hey mom we need to borrow the car or can you watch a sick kid for us". We must depend and lean more on each other. This is a good thing for our marriage. God calls us to leave our mothers and fathers and become one with our spouse right, so now we get to really focus on that. There is a lot more give and take, we have one income, one car and we compromise a lot more. We have less input from those around us. Everyone's village has an opinion on everything, especially when it comes to raising kids. Now it is way easier to have the decisions come from Tom and I alone. (with a little Holy Spirit too.. .okay a LOT of Holy Spirit) There is no judgement when we make a decision. No more defending our choices, our messy house or our children's behavior. There is freedom in having only my husband and my God to answer to!
Spending time together more.
There are less places to go and people to see so we get to have more time at home. More time bonding with all 5 of us. The kids get way more mommy and daddy time and now they get time together as siblings too. We get to start some pretty awesome traditions right here in our own house. We won't have to rush through opening presents and get dressed to get to someones house just to rush to get to the next one. Sure, we miss our family but were focusing on the positive here people! Ok, so ya, we can have the most lazy holidays ever and this could be totally awesome!
The money factor.
This is a good one, there is absolutely NO pressure to spend money. Money we probably didn't have anyways. NO having to buy a TON of gifts or going out because that is what the rest of the village is doing. No keeping up with the Jones's. When your budget is tight, not being invited (or guilt invited) to spend money is a blessing really!
Finding community.
So, when you have your village you have an automatic in. You didn't really have to put any effort into building that village. It just was. There are times when yes, we will have to rely on other people but the advantage here is that we get to choose those people! We get to invest more in the people around us. That could be our new family, our church family or even our school (homeschool) family. We get to learn about other peoples traditions and values outside of what is bred into us. Who knows, it could turn out to be something life changing if were lucky!
So, there we have it. Some "look on the bright side" advantages to raising our kids without our village. We get to build a brand new village and I think that's pretty cool!
Your offspring shall be like the dust of the earth, and you shall spread abroad to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south, and in you and your offspring shall all the families of the earth be blessed. - Genesis 28:14